An Interview With Fotis Georgiadis
Presence of mind. This means being fully attuned to the moment, which will allow you to seamlessly incorporate the elements of the environment and energy of the audience. You don’t just write a speech and then deliver it. You will write something, you will bring your message, but the event of your speaking will ultimately be a blending of the message you bring and what the moment offers.
At some point in our lives, many of us will have to give a talk to a large group of people. What does it take to be a highly effective public speaker? How can you improve your public speaking skills? How can you overcome a fear of speaking in public? What does it take to give a very interesting and engaging public talk? In this interview series called “5 Things You Need To Be A Highly Effective Public Speaker” we are talking to successful and effective public speakers to share insights and stories from their experience. As a part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Reverend Maureen Cotton.
Reverend Maureen Cotton is an Interspiritual minister, serving the spiritual-but-not-religious and non-dogmatic people of faith. Since ordination at One Spirit Interfaith Alliance in 2015, she has worked as a hospital chaplain and officiated countless weddings. Currently, she offers non-dogmatic, premarital spiritual guidance, consults with couples on crafting ceremonies, and, of course, officiates wedding ceremonies.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Our readers would love to get to know you a bit better. Can you tell us the story of how you grew up?
My dad was in the military so we moved a lot, although I spent most of my childhood in Colorado Springs. Transitioning places, schools, and communities all the time challenged me to feel at home in the world, which I now see as a basis for my spiritual life; I needed to tap into something ever-present since my circumstances were always changing.
When I was 12 years old, my family had just moved to New Hampshire when my dad suddenly died of a heart attack. Grappling with loss at that early age while beginning to practice yoga (which was “weird” in America back then!) led to deep spiritual experiences that not only served as my awakening, but made me more comfortable with loss and emotional suffering than the average person. It’s no surprise that I’d later discover a calling to be with people at the end of life.
Can you share a story with us about what brought you to this specific career path?
In 2011, after my grandfather died a peaceful death with good palliative care, I discovered a call to become a hospice chaplain. I didn’t have a religious background but had tapped into the divine in my own way throughout my life. I learned about the Interspiritual movement and that I could become ordained clergy without having to accept or espouse a specific doctrine. My seminary experience was multifaith, but I didn’t become an expert on comparative religions, I learned how spirituality works in our lives.
I never planned to officiate weddings, but people who knew about my spiritual-but-not-religious path started asking. So many people today are spiritual-but-not-religious and don’t know how to craft something like a meaningful wedding ritual without the framework of religion. This is my exact specialty.
Can you tell us the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?
After graduating seminary, I was plagued with what we now call “imposter syndrome”; was I a “real” minister after my unique heart-centered training when other types of clergy study for years and years in one tradition? One experience that helped me move past this occurred while working as a chaplain at an assisted living home.
I ran a weekly spirituality group for residents who were mostly Catholic women in their 80’s and 90’s. They were skeptical of me, but I showed up each week as I offered spiritual practices and discussions that people could try without having to believe anything. We talked about the nature of forgiveness (an especially important topic toward the end of our lives) and I led Loving-Kindness meditation. We used a board game to talk about our wishes for end of life care and our funerals.
On my last day there, we created a ritual to welcome spring. After sharing about our hopes for spring time, we created holy water. I shared with them my philosophy about blessings and that I believed anyone can offer a blessing, while acknowledging that they might have been taught that blessings only come from “on high” (from God to Pope to Cardinal and so on). I offered a mini tutorial about blessings focusing on the power of our intention. Then I took a large glass pitcher of water and brought it to each person for them to hold and bless. When we were done we used the blessed water to water all of the plants in the common areas. I then offered to water any plants in their apartments.
To my amazement one woman brought out a small empty bottle. It had been a bottle of holy water from Lordes, which is considered a miraculous spring of holy water by Catholics. She asked if she could please refill it with the holy water we had created together. I was so moved that she felt the power of our blessings and valued it the same as the holiness she had been taught as a Catholic.
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
I’m really having trouble thinking of a funny mistake, which may be because my wife says that I don’t embarrass easily.
When public speaking, when officiating a wedding, it’s important to not think of it as a performance. With that attitude, there are no mistakes; there are just planned and unplanned things that happen in the container we’ve created together. An effective public speaker will integrate things that go awry, even their own “mistakes,” which relates to my first tip!
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
My first mentors in ministry were the Little Brothers of Saint Francis. They were a small community of Francisan brothers who lived alongside and ministered to “the poor” in Boston’s Mission Hill neighborhood. As the neighborhood was gentrifying in the early 2000s, I was a college student and lived just around the corner from them.
Initially, I asked to photograph them for a semester-long documentary photo project for school. They agreed and invited me into their world; we quickly became soul friends.
The deep peace I had felt practicing yoga also lived in their chapel peppered with minuscule relics and a mini tabernacle. I was stunned by how much I related to the events, reflections, and questions that guided them on their journeys. “Oh!” I thought, “That peace, that love, that interconnectivity, the immutable undercurrent that all shall be well… that’s what you mean by ‘God?’ Well, then, I too know God.”
I often went with them during their street ministry through which they handed out socks and sandwiches to the homeless while also listening deeply. People bloomed in their presence and vented their suffering in those conversations. The Brothers’ loving and non judgemental presence taught me what ministry is.
You have been blessed with great success in a career path that can be challenging and intimidating. Do you have any words of advice for others who may want to embark on this career path, but seem daunted by the prospect of failure?
For anyone who is drawn to make a living doing the work of their heart, I can only assure you that it’s worth it.
People sometimes don’t want to pursue a hobby or personal joy as a profession because they are afraid it will make it not fun anymore. It’s true that making something your profession changes your relationship to it. It does demand you educate yourself on things like business and communication. However, putting what you love at the center of your life, ever sharpening your skills around your gifts, transforms you and the world for the better. It’s not an easy path but it’s incredibly rewarding.
There are very hard days, and the future is often unclear. Then there are the days where I’m like, “Oh hey, I’ve created a job out of having deep spiritual conversations and helping people remember they are a beautiful expression of the divine. What could possibly be better?!”
What drives you to get up everyday and give your talks? What is the main empowering message that you aim to share with the world?
As a wedding officiant, my main message is that a wedding is a rite of passage. As a culture we’ve forgotten this and even the best, most grounded couples can get lost in the circus of the wedding spectacle. It is a powerful, meaningful threshold that can permanently deepen connection in your life. Your connection with yourself, your partner, your loved ones and — if it’s part of your worldview — the higher presence that holds this whole place together.
You have such impressive work. What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? Where do you see yourself heading from here?
To craft highly customized ceremonies, I created a process that helps me get to know my couples on a deep level. As the years go by, I’ve realized that my process also helps them get to know themselves and each other in a new way. People need guidance while they plan for their wedding and marriage — in the secular world we’ve lost sight of that.
So my focus is now on a process called The Soulful Wedding Roadmap, which blends premarital guidance, spiritual coaching, and wedding visioning. It lays the groundwork for a deeply meaningful and joyful wedding and early marriage.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
Civil rights activist and faith leader Valarie Kaur says that, “Grief is the price of love.” I feel this on every level and I embrace the grief around me — my own and others. Although I’m currently working with people at the threshold of marriage instead of the threshold of death, I see how present grief is and the need to embrace it. Embracing grief in all forms in our life allows us to embrace change and thereby life more fully.
Ok, thank you for all that. Here is the main question of our interview. What are your “5 Things You Need To Be A Highly Effective Public Speaker?” Please share a story or example for each.
First, let me define “effective.” Effective public speaking creates a new perspective or possibility.
- Presence of mind. This means being fully attuned to the moment, which will allow you to seamlessly incorporate the elements of the environment and energy of the audience. You don’t just write a speech and then deliver it. You will write something, you will bring your message, but the event of your speaking will ultimately be a blending of the message you bring and what the moment offers.
When you don’t have presence of mind, things can get awkward, fast. It separates you from your audience. I was in attendance at a wedding years ago where a bird suddenly flew really low right overhead of the couple while the officiant was speaking.
He was so nervous, clenching his script and only thinking about getting the words out. He wasn’t present so the bird really threw him off — it wasn’t in the script, he didn’t know what to do, so he ignored it. Ignoring it, and seeing he was taking pains to ignore it, made it really awkward.
However, if he had presence of mind he could have incorporated this spontaneous moment and transformed it into a meaningful synchronicity. How amazing to have a bird fly right over love birds! What a beautiful sign from nature, what a blessing and special moment. What could have elevated the moment instead interrupted it. - Body awareness to manage nerves. Simon Sineck did a great talk about how nervousness and excitement are physiologically the same. He observed that when a journalist asks an athlete if they are nervous for a big competition they almost always answer, “No, I’m excited.”
If you start to notice you’re sweating, pacing, getting butterflies in your stomach, etc. observe that signal and think to yourself, “I’m excited.” Don’t allow yourself to spiral thinking you’re nervous and that your nerves might derail you. Embrace them as part of a special moment. You have an opportunity to convey your message, and you’re so excited about it that it’s showing in your body.
If you feel like you need to shift that energy, you may wish to engage in a grounding movement practice such as yoga, chi gong, or simply a long nature walk that morning. - Words that you enjoy speaking. When writing your speech or generally preparing your response, take care to think of a few phrases that really distill your overall message. Speak in your language, not more academic or casual than you think you need to. If you enjoy speaking the words and message, then they will be compelling to listen to. Find a message that you yourself are moved by and others will be as well.
When I officiate a wedding I tell the couples’ story, but I also draw a lesson out of it or admire the overall arc or theme of their partnership. I personally find this very moving, and in the moment I take time sharing this lesson. As I do, I can feel how much people are hanging on each word and being inspired to reflect on the nature of love. - A conflict. You’ve probably heard that a story needs to have a beginning, middle, and end. A key component to the middle is that it’s a grappling with difficult circumstances or emotions. Even for weddings, I embrace some of the tough stuff in life.
Couples grow when they overcome obstacles, so it might be common for me to mention the death of a loved one, illness, or other life challenge that they have overcome together. While such a mention is temporarily painful or difficult to consider, then it’s all the more joyful to reach the resolutions. The joy is more deeply felt as we celebrate the powerful and connected couple that they are today. - Connection and interactivity. If you’ve been asked to give a talk, there’s a reason it’s a talk and not an essay or a radio show. It’s a gathering, a shared experience. Consider that people pay lots of money to see a musical on Broadway even if they know every word. They are not paying to learn the story or even to hear the music, which they can do at home. They want to be a part of something.
If offered a podium or stand, decline it so that there’s nothing between you and the audience (if you’re reading your script, put it in a sturdy book that you can hold). When I officiate a wedding I do not maintain the typical spot behind the couple, but move to the side so I can really speak to the guests and the couple. Eye contact and gesturing are important for connection too. You don’t have to exaggerate it if you’re not someone who gestures a lot. In whatever way you show your attention in conversation, you can show it from a stage as well.
Connection is formed by interaction, and your talk can be interactive even if people don’t move their bodies at all. You can prompt them to think of something, or hold a person or place in their heart. Find something in your talk that you know offers an important takeaway. Instead of just hoping people take it away, build it into the talk. Pause and prompt them to think of it and imagine a new possibility.
As you know, many people are terrified of speaking in public. Can you give some of your advice about how to overcome this fear?
When you give your talk, don’t view it as a performance. Instead, focus on the power and potential of your message. Focus on what’s bigger than you. Public speaking is not a chance to show off, be perfect, and entertain — unless you’re a pop star. The rest of us are vessels for a message or experience. You’re speaking to uplift and transform. Public speaking fear is a fear of being judged or measured in some way. If you think of yourself as standing there on behalf of your message or cause; you’ll be empowered to deliver it instead of fearing giving a bad performance.
You are a person of huge influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?
If I could start a movement it would be: Go First. Be brave, honest, and compassionate enough to go first. Be willing to say, “I love you,” first. Be the one to offer forgiveness, reach out an open hand. Raise the question everyone is thinking about but afraid to verbalize. Say what you’re really feeling or what you really need.
Go first and trust that everyone else wants compassion, love, forgiveness, growth, and understanding as much as you go. Don’t wait for permission, but once you go first you’re giving others permission.
Is there a person in the world whom you would love to have lunch with, and why? Maybe we can tag them and see what happens!
Civil rights activist and faith leader Valarie Kaur, who has given us the vital insight that grief is the price of love. As a person of faith who prizes compassion there are so many difficult questions about what compassion and love really look like in a world of injustice and war. For over ten years I’ve seen Valarie tackling these questions head on and it inspires me to no end.
Are you on social media? How can our readers follow you online?
Instagram is where I hang out, come find me! @maureencottonceremonies.
This was so informative, thank you so much! We wish you continued success!
Reverend Maureen Cotton On The 5 Things You Need To Be A Highly Effective Public Speaker was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
