An Interview With Fotis Georgiadis

Find your own way as a new CEO. Being a female founder in tech, I realized that my road to success relies on me just being me. I don’t need to try to become someone else. If someone is looking for something different, then they can go elsewhere to find it.

As a part of my series about “Big Ideas That Might Change The World In The Next Few Years” I had the pleasure of interviewing Jenny Holmström.

Jenny Holmström is the CEO of Coupleness, an app for couples with a mission to make it easy and mainstream to invest in your relationship. She has worked for the UN and big corporations, and co-founded a child rights organization. Jenny is an award-winning communicator, always striving to make a positive social impact.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit. Can you please tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?

From a young age, I was motivated to make a positive change in the world, and that has been the driving force behind my career from the beginning. I have been fortunate to work in many different settings and organizations, like UNHCR. Building my previous organization, and the movement Pornfree Childhood — raising awareness about kids’ consumption of pornography and what adults can do about it — taught me so much. What was most powerful for me was that once I fully understood the extent of the problem, I felt compelled to take action; I just had to do something. But as much as I was driven by my passion, it was also tons of work and very stressful, and I started to realize how fragile a relationship can be. With small kids and not much time to nurture my relationship, I learned the hard way that I could not take my relationship for granted anymore. I knew we needed to do something to nurture and maintain a healthy relationship, but when I looked for things that could support us, it was hard to find proactive tools. Couples therapy seemed to be the only solution, but that doesn’t always fit in with people’s schedules and finances. When I met one of my co-founders, Ted Rosén, we discovered that we shared the same frustration about how tough it can be to juggle everyday life with kids, a career, a house and a relationship. Just like with my previous organization, it was one of those moments when I just had to take action. It was clear that a convenient, proactive tool for supporting relationships was missing, so we teamed up with one of Sweden’s most renowned relationship experts, Registered Psychologist Linn Heed, and created one ourselves.

Can you please share with us the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?

This is a tough one. What to pick?! Let’s go with one that has some depth. A few years ago I worked for UNHCR. I traveled to Jordan to visit Zaatari, one of the largest refugee camps in the world. The camp’s evolution from a small collection of tents into an urban settlement with bridal stores and hairdressers shows how resourceful people are, even in the most challenging times. I went there with a philanthropist creating UNHCR’s first philanthropic campaign Time to Act, raising awareness and funds for Syrian refugees. Among the group of people was a doctor who was in the philanthropist’s network. One day we sat down with a family to listen to their experiences, and their dreams and hopes for the future. They were all very traumatized; they told us about how the kids can’t sleep because they’re so close to the border, and at night they still hear the sounds of war, causing them to relive the trauma.

The father had very poor health and was really struggling. When we left, the doctor in the group turned around and told him to eat tomatoes — lots of tomatoes. Then she left. We went to the hotel and in the car I started to think about tomatoes. I didn’t get it. It seemed so shallow. Why did she say that? Imagine going to a doctor back home and they tell you to just eat tomatoes. In this setting it was even more strange, after the family had shared so many struggles.

That encounter and my reaction to it has stayed with me. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized why she said that. There were no other resources that could support him in the situation he was in. She knew he would be able to find tomatoes somewhere in the camp, and she knew they were good for his health. This was better than nothing, and was the best realistic advice she could give. My biggest learning from this is that the advice you give people will differ a lot depending on the person, context, and how delicate you need to be in some situations. And sometimes it’s ok to refrain from giving advice at all.

Other than that, I have tons of more fun stories. I had a blast hanging out with Burton’s snowboarders in Aspen Breckenridge working for Volvo Cars, and turned down a ski competition with Steve Sanders in Vail (90210 will forever be in my heart). Another powerful meeting was with Denis Mukwege, the 2018 Nobel Peace Prize winner. As I shook his extremely warm hand, I could really feel all the women who have been supported by him and the Panzi hospital throughout the years.

Which principles or philosophies have guided your life? Your career?

I love this question because the more challenges and successes I’ve gone through, the more guiding principles I have added to my tool box. So here are my favorite three:

1. For myself: knowing myself and who I am is not a one-off, it’s continuous work. It’s a process and a journey I continue on every single day. I keep reflecting and looking into myself, and I think I will for a long time to come.
2. For my career: if you don’t like how things are, stop complaining and do something about it. In that sense, I think it’s in my blood to be an activist and entrepreneur. I can’t really accept things when I think they’re really wrong. I just need to do something about it.
3. As a mother: be as intentional as I can, and shower my kids with love. It can be challenging to be mindful, and not always check my phone or be somewhere else in my mind. Sometimes I need to remind myself to be present, and sometimes it comes more naturally. And I try to give my kids different kinds of love, like hugs, encouraging words and actions, which is most often spending time together.

Ok thank you for that. Let’s now move to the main focus of our interview. Can you tell us about your “Big Idea That Might Change The World”?

Active Love is the concept that drives me. It is the idea that we can actively invest in our relationships. Sometimes, good relationships can just happen. But great relationships require effort and attention. Just like with your personal wellness, your relationship needs to be thought of and tended to. Active Love is about recognizing that there are habits, practices and activities you can do to strengthen your relationship.

When you want to have good physical and mental health, there are actions you can take: eat well, go to the gym, do something creative, get enough sleep… you know the drill. The same goes for your relationship’s health. The initial spark at the beginning of your relationship isn’t enough to sustain a fulfilling, enduring partnership. Active love is taking action in your relationship.

Small steps for big changes: Active Love is not necessarily about making a big drastic change, but rather is about small improvements in everyday life. When you train to run a marathon, you don’t start by running the full marathon on your first day, right? All it takes is a first step, and then a second, and then a third. No giant leaps necessary. With Active Love, aim to do something small for your partner every day. You might not even realize things are getting better until one day you look back and can see how far you’ve come. A 1% improvement per day leads to a 37x better relationship in one year.

Coupleness helps you get started with Active Love by providing tools you can use, even on your busiest days. Our daily tracker takes just 3 minutes a day, but creates a foundation for better communication and a deeper understanding of your partner.

How do you think this will change the world?

We will redefine what it means to love. The world will be a happier place. Why? We simply can’t ignore 75 years of research done by Professor Robert Waldinger from Harvard University.

​Waldinger presented findings from the world’s longest study on happiness. It shows that good relationships with others make us happier and healthier, and having a partner you can trust and share things with makes you better prepared to handle life’s challenges. The study also shows that it is close relationships, rather than money and success, that make people happy in the long run. So I truly believe that with all of us embracing the Active Love movement, this world will become a happier place. Not bad, right?

Keeping “Black Mirror” and the “Law of Unintended Consequences” in mind, can you see any potential drawbacks about this idea that people should think more deeply about?

I like the challenge you’re presenting, but honestly, I believe that if people start valuing relationships — romantic ones, friends, family, etc. — the Active Love movement could have positive effects on other relationships as well. So contrary to your question, I think there would be a ripple effect of positivity. If we really learn to prioritize our relationships and make that a habit, I think we as humanity are on to something really powerful.

But let me actually answer your question:

1. Strong relationships can make us healthier, so if our life expectancy extends, what could that lead to?
2. Divorce lawyers will have less work — but don’t get me wrong, some divorces will still happen because sometimes that’s the right move.
3. A decrease in loneliness could result in fewer songs about heartbreak, and what would the world be without “All By Myself” or “I will always love you”
4. Dating apps will have fewer recurring users, as people will build strong, lasting relationships
5. In healthy relationships, there is less phubbing (when you are on your phone instead of being present with your partner). So bye bye scrolling in bed before going to sleep? And less social media in general?

Was there a “tipping point” that led you to this idea? Can you tell us that story?

As it is for many founders and entrepreneurs, I discovered a problem, and then created a solution. My tipping point was that I found myself not prioritizing my relationship as I would like to. With two kids, a house, a career and other engagements, my relationship was not on my priority list. It became clear to me that this would not be sustainable in the long run, and that I needed a tool to help me maintain and grow my connection with my partner.

I didn’t shy away from the tipping point because I’m very driven to make a positive impact on society. I’m used to working with large scale issues like the experiences of refugees, and kids’ consumption of pornography (which is bigger than any parent wants to think, and more devastating than the adult world has realized). So I’m not afraid of trying new things, and can step up when something needs to change.

When it comes to relationships, I had an inkling that we could do this in a better, smarter way. Because ultimately, all we want is to be loved, but sometimes we don’t know how to love well, or don’t have the time or energy to put into it. I wanted to change that and find a way to make it easy and fun for people to really feel love in their relationships.

What do you need to lead this idea to widespread adoption?

Two things: a great product and a cool brand. I’m super excited about both.

What are your “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started Coupleness” and why. (Please share a story or example for each.)

1. Mindset is the foundation for everything. One way to embrace this in my everyday life is that I ask myself, “will this state of mind get me to the results I want?” Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes it’s no — and that’s fine too. Recognizing how I feel and why is important for me as I decide on a productive next step.
2. Don’t forget to walk the talk. Prioritize your family, friends and partner. This might make me a relationship nerd, but before I fall asleep I ask myself, “what have I done for my relationship today?”
3. Find your own way as a new CEO. Being a female founder in tech, I realized that my road to success relies on me just being me. I don’t need to try to become someone else. If someone is looking for something different, then they can go elsewhere to find it.
4. Strive for presence. It’s challenging for sure — in a startup, you need to have a laser focus on what’s most important, and it’s so easy to get distracted and feel scattered.
5. You are more than your startup. I live and breathe Coupleness 24/7 but I’m also a mother, partner, friend and a daughter. I’m so much more than Coupleness.

Can you share with our readers what you think are the most important “success habits” or “success mindsets”?

1. Embrace therapy. I really believe in the power of working through disappointments and set-backs with someone who really knows their stuff. And it’s also important to share the good things, and learn from positive situations.
2. Be active. Schedule your favorite sport or physical activity each week, and the only reason to skip it is if you’re sick.
3. Brain rest. Schedule some time for your mind to relax. I believe many of us have discovered the power of working hard, but haven’t really embraced the power of letting your brain rest. And I mean completely — not listening to a podcast while you’re doing something. Just being present with where you are, and less multitasking.
4. Don’t forget those closest to you. Schedule time (it might sound boring, but it’s so beneficial) to maintain your relationships, whether they’re your partner, friends or family.
5. Be kind to yourself. As kind as you are to your best friend. Especially when life gives you lemons.

Some very well known VCs read this column. If you had 60 seconds to make a pitch to a VC, what would you say? He or she might just see this if we tag them 🙂

My team and I are here to redefine love. To make our relationships a priority for millions and millions of people. To make it easy, fund and rewarding to invest in your relationship. By doing this, the world will be a happier place. Exciting, right?

How can our readers follow you on social media?

On Instagram I’m @jcholmstrom. However, LinkedIn is really my cup of tea, and I would love to be in your network: Jenny Holmström.

Thank you so much for joining us. This was very inspirational.

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Coupleness: Jenny Holmström’s Big Idea That Might Change The World was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.