An Interview With Fotis Georgiadis
Start from a place of love, respect for the person or work or thing for which the feedback is being given.
As a part of our series about “How To Give Honest Feedback without Being Hurtful”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Kristina Paider.
As a Hollywood screenwriter, giving and receiving superb feedback can mean the difference between a hit show and a shit show. There is a way to give feedback that acknowledges the good, and opens the receiver’s capacity to hear the notes in a constructive way, and Kristina Paider has been living and breathing the feedback loop for decades. Kristina has worked in board rooms, living rooms, and Hollywood writers’ rooms with 600+ writers in 34 countries as a writing collaborator, coach, editor.
Thank you so much for joining us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’ and how you got started?
It’s great to be here! I started my career in TV journalism at an NBC affiliate. I quickly realized it wasn’t for me and pivoted to advertising, then marketing and PR. At age 27, a headhunter I worked with was convinced I should write movies. So, in a friendly way, she stalked me until I agreed to sign up for a class. Then I began moonlighting as a marketing executive for hotel companies by day and a screenwriter by night.
What do you think makes your company stand out? Can you share a story?
What makes The Hollywood Approach stand out is the intersection of neuroscience, goal-getting and play through movies examples. I help people live and tell their best story.
When my first assistant was getting the beta version of my masterclass up and running, I invited her to participate in the exercises. She had never owned her own home, and tried out the principles I taught on this “wild and crazy, out there, idea.” Not long after, she bought her forever home with a gorgeous garden, yard and spacious rooms and office. It’s truly magnificent. She is so dear to me, and I didn’t even know she was doing the work, so when I learned of it, I was as excited as if it was happening to me!
I love helping people see and access their own potential to get what they want. I got to visit Laura’s magnificent home last summer on a road trip. It was amazing to witness it and her success — her leap — in person.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
It’s hard to pick one. But in 2021, as I was preparing to launch my book, which is always hectic, I received a message asking me to audition for a JLo movie filming near my home. In my gazillion tasks each day, I had forgotten that the audition included singing. Yikes! I’m not a singer, and I was on limited time, so I just did it. And I was offered the part! Unfortunately, I couldn’t accept, because of timing. But it was a red-flashing-light reminder that literally anything can happen at any moment.
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
At age 23, having just moved from Milwaukee to Phoenix, I had the chance to write a feature for Tribune Newspapers on women and success. I wrote, edited, refined, and edited some more until I thought it was perfect, and then turned it in. When the business editor returned it to me non-chalantly, marked up in red, I was floored. It really freaked me out. I was devastated. I felt like I did everything wrong. I didn’t want to write after that.
Of course, years later I realized that was just the law of the jungle. I had not experienced the power of collaboration or the idea that the team was there to make each other’s work stronger. I felt criticized. I didn’t know feedback was a “thing.” I didn’t know what I didn’t know.
It wasn’t until a few years later in film school that I learned that not only that’s how things worked, but as a screenwriter, the feedback process was crucial to not blowing a chance at a six- or seven-figure sale if you made it up to bat. Feedback is needed to do your best work — for the good of the story.
Understanding what good feedback can do for the story, and for me as a writer was transformational. I learned to be more objective about my own work and how to tell a better story. But I’ve never forgotten that first red mark-up, and I take much care to manage client expectations of the editing and coaching process, and present notes and feedback in a very specific way because of it.
What advice would you give to other CEOs and business leaders to help their employees to thrive and avoid burnout?
Take breaks and engage if flow activities. Figure out what self-care is to you and practice it. Focus on communication. Being heard and validated goes a long way in tense times.
How do you define “Leadership”? Can you explain what you mean or give an example?
To me, leadership is about setting the tone, being the example, and driving the boat.
In my work, I often talk about how to release and relieve stress. As a busy leader, what do you do to prepare your mind and body before a stressful or high stakes meeting, talk, or decision? Can you share a story or some examples?
When possible — and let’s be honest, during times of stress, it’s not always possible — I try to be strategic and have a purposeful approach. I do try to think through my desired outcome and how I can set myself and my team up for success as well as feeling good throughout the process. That may mean scheduling more hands on deck, or more downtime, or simply extra time in the schedule so there are no crunches.
For talks, I try to find time to do morning pages, meditate and be still. Same thing for big decisions.
Ok, let’s jump to the core of our interview. Can you briefly tell our readers about your experience with managing a team and giving feedback?
Sure. As the senior vice president of marketing and research for a $15 billion hotel real estate team, I gave and received feedback to my team formally twice a year and with every research paper and written piece we put out. It’s not a one and done. It’s circular and ongoing, both on performance and on written work. It’s a collaboration, not a dissertation or a monologue.
For Hollywood screenwriters, feedback on each other’s scripts is the life force of elevating the work. Feedback is a regular part of a screenwriter’s existence.
This might seem intuitive but it will be constructive to spell it out. Can you share with us a few reasons why giving honest and direct feedback is essential to being an effective leader?
Giving honest and direct — and I would also add: kind — feedback is essential to being an effective leader because communication makes or breaks an individual, a team, and therefore a company. With great communication, so much more potential is realized in every relationship and endeavor.
Angeles Arrien, the cultural anthropologist who specialized in transpersonal psychology and the wisdom of Indigenous people, had a unique take on it. In her work Gathering Medicine (The Warrior), Angeles talks about the collaborative nature of feedback and how in indigenous cultures, to “not to be able to come up with at least 10 creative solutions is below standard. And for most of us, three creative solutions is quite a stretch.”
Angeles says, “Shape shifting, or shifting the shape of our experience, really the invitation to leadership in the 21st century. We’re being asked to move out of description into prescription. Out of chronically describing what’s not working and moving into creative problem solving. To move out of reactivity into creativity.”
She describes her experience listening to an economic summit where a Navajo elder spoke. He began by acknowledging and giving gratitude for the opportunity to speak, and acknowledging all who gathered for the economic summit.
According to Angeles, the elder followed by describing what was working on the reservations. Then, then he shared what was not working on the reservations. Finally, he concluded by saying, “and I regret that I only have three creative solutions to offer.”
She thought this to be a wonderful standard for leadership — to begin with acknowledgement and gratitude. To state what is working first. To address what is not working. And to offer at least three creative solutions.”
Her work has always stuck with me, and guided me.
One of the trickiest parts of managing a team is giving honest feedback, in a way that doesn’t come across as too harsh. Can you please share with us five suggestions about how to best give constructive criticism to a remote employee? Kindly share a story or example for each.
Start from a place of love, respect for the person or work or thing for which the feedback is being given.
Start with the good, especially if the feedback is unsolicited. Starting with what’s working puts the receiver at ease and gives them something to build on.
[Mention the “big picture” goal] “I know you want to pitch this story to Miramax, and I want to help you put your best foot forward. [let the receiver opt in] “May I share some thoughts? / Are you open to me sharing some thought on how to make it even better?” This aligns your feedback with their goal, and lets them know you’re on board with helping them achieve their goal.
Own your feedback. For me, the character seems incongruent.
[give more detail] when she says things such as sexual innuendos, aggressive cursing, and uncouth language, she comes across as incongruent with someone who wants to [bring it back to the big picture goal] run a church.
[offer a solution] “it seems the phrasing, gee whiz, Wally, might be more in line than “F&CJS this $#IT!’”
[close with a positive] — I think there’s a lot of potential, and I hope to take my whole family to see it on the big screen.
[if a particularly sensitive situation, repeat encouragement] — I hope this is helpful in you making a successful play for Miramax.
I think we want to strive for feedback expanding the conversation and the relationship. It’s about so much more than the notes. It’s about honesty, building trust, vulnerability, and providing validation and support.
Ultimately, the receiver has responsibility, as well, especially if they’ve requested feedback. They must be in an open position to receive it gracefully. And not everyone will. But 9 times out of 10, when feedback is requested, and given in a way that honors the person or the work, it will be gracefully received.
Can you address how to give constructive feedback over email? If someone is in front of you much of the nuance can be picked up in facial expressions and body language. But not when someone is remote. How do you prevent the email from sounding too critical or harsh?
I would suggest allowing ample time to craft the feedback in writing, following the guidelines above.
Including the content of the big picture goal, starting with the positive, letting the person know you’re on their team, owning your perspective, giving potential solutions and closing on a positive, is universal guidance.
It may sound long, but honoring relationships and mentorship is important. When you endeavor to make people feel like you care and you are on their team, they remember that. If you rush and miss some steps, that quality of care may suffer, and ultimately the message may be incomplete, and the relationship or the company may pay the price.
In your experience, is there a best time to give feedback or critique? Should it be immediately after an incident? Should it be at a different time? Should it be at set intervals? Can you explain what you mean?
The optimal time to give feedback is when the recipient is ready to receive it. If it’s not at planned intervals where the receiver is expecting it, it may be good to set the expectation and maybe schedule a “feedback meeting,” so the receiver isn’t taken off guard. At a very minimum, seek the recipient’s buy in before launching into any notes.
With clients, I may say something like, “Rose, I know you wanted to have this proposal ready for a publisher this month. I see some opportunities in this current draft to help you move it in that direction. Would you like to set up a time to discuss my notes?”
With employees, if the feedback is more corrective in nature, I might say something like, “Jeff, I’d like to discuss how the recent Wall Street Journal interview went. When would be a good time for you?”
How would you define what it is to “be a great boss”?
I think being a great boss is about finding the balance of providing roots and wings. Giving an employee enough latitude to experiment and try their own solutions, and enough access to provide constructive guidance to nurture their process and outcomes.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
It would be a movement of love + gratitude, which are scientifically proven to wipe out fear, anger and self-doubt, the way light cancels out darkness.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
My grandmother often said “give ‘er” as a way to say go for it: to play the hand or take the risk. Usually in cards, but also in life situations. It was such a fun thing to say, and I can still hear her say it. It’s an example of so many times when you have the choice to go for it or not — to say yes and go for it.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
I am Kristina Paider on all the socials!
LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristina-paider/
FB: https://www.facebook.com/kristina.paider
Insta: @kristinapaider
TikTok: @kristinapaider
Masterclass: https://hollywoodapproach.thinkific.com
Thank you for these great insights! We really appreciate the time you spent with this.
Thank you — pleasure to be here!
Author Kristina Paider: Giving Feedback; How To Be Honest Without Being Hurtful was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
